( – promoted by misteronionhead)
Ernest Istook, running for governor here, announced today that if elected he would “smite” anyone who supports public education in the state because God talked to him personally about it.
“If elected governor of Utahoma, I shall smite those who support public educational systems. My God-given wrath shall leave no education supporter untouched, and so it shall come to pass that no Oklahoma child will have to go to these dens of iniquity, these public schools of hellfire and evil.”
Istook said God talked to him personally about the issue.
“Shall tax dollars go to teach children in Utahoma to read? I think not, sayeth God through me, his vessel on the river of life. Yes, God visited me in the form of a talking fish, a catfish named McGarrett Five-O. This catfish spoke The Word in tongues. This catfish-God sayeth to me: ‘You shall smite at will those who support public education.’ So the cat speaks, so it shall be.”
Istook declined to answer questions from the media about his announcement.