Arrr! It’s meself, me and, aye, yer none other than Plansky, yer pirate of the turkey variety, sailin’ in with my diverse crew of fowls giving away me thanks and planks for yer holiday here in the week of Oklahoma BEDLAM arrrrr. BEDLAM! Arrrrr! Yer five r arrrrr’s. Shiver me gobbler, mateys, fly seadogs fly, hornpipes playin’, let dancin’ begin. So it goes like this: Yer a bilge rat slitherin’ around me cargo hold, well, then you get the planks and a dippity do with the toothy fishies. But if yer a swashbucklin’ bonafide pirate doing good for pirate turkeys everywhere, well, then welcome aboard lads and lasses and take a sip or fifteen through yer beaks from Planksy’s Special Reserve Rum Barrel Number 750. Fiddler fiddle. It’s on, glorious birds, it’s on.
Thanks. Me first thanks this season go to Cyndi Munson and fellow Dems for winnin’ House District 85 in Oklahoma City. Arrr! From me crow’s nest, me sees progress here for Democrats. But this little birdy knows time will tell, and smarminess lies in waitin’. Trick plays, the Republicanrooski, money, it’s all comin’ down the pipe. Get yer beaks and talons ready for battle.
Planks. The Oklahoma Corporation Commission gets me first planks, all three of these rapscallions: Bob Anthony, Dana Murphy and Todd Hiett. I feel the earth move under me feet, making for choppy seas, all ado about nothing but earthquakes created by the frackin’ process. Stop frackin’. Stop earthquakes. What don’t these smarmy, barmy barnacles get? Maybe all those campaign conflictution dollars they snatch up from the oil and gas industry have something to do about it. It’s time to scrape this sinking ship clean, and vote these landlubbers out of office asap.
Thanks. Me second thanks go to University of Oklahoma President David Boren, who pulled the plug on the racism on campus without a second consideration but doing the right thing. Methinks he believes this: “Do right. Fear not.” Aye, me mateys, other college campuses and social spaces are a reeling and rolling, but OU stands proud because its leader believes in diversity and acceptance and tolerance! Kind sir, seadog of unity, fowl of freedom, bird of truth, yer invited to the captain’s table. Dancin’ on the table is allowed when the hornpipes pipe the merry tunes.
Planks. Well, aye, it’s true as a bird’s words, me planks go to U.S. Sen. James Lankford, the landlubbery bassoon with the one-low note, for his distortions and half truths about Planned Parenthood. Jimmy, Jim, or James, or whatever you like in yer moniker form, sir, those, dear Lanky, are FAKE videos, yer know it, and yer won’t admit it because of yer tomfoolery and general scoundrel-like ways in the U.S. Senate. Another barnacle-encrusted ship of a fool needs some serially scraping. Let yer beak speak truth, Lankster. The videos they arr fakes.
Thanks. He’s always on a steady course, the incredible Planksy, the pirate turkey, or it goes something like that, right? How about me poetry then? In the soft moonlight/reflectin’ on the seas/his breathtakin’ gobbler/sways in the breeze. Arrr! Thanks to meself, Planksy, for me physical and intellectual beauty renowned worldwide. Have a great Thanksgiving and enjoy that tofurkey!
Outa here, Joey, outa here. Arrr! We know your intention, sir, and we’re taking precautions: