( – promoted by misterokrahead)
Gary Jones, chairperson of the Oklahoma Republican Party, announced today the state GOP has made an offer to buy the Oklahoma Democratic Party in a deal that would be the first of its kind in the country.
Jones did not make the specific terms of the offer public, but insiders said as part of the deal the GOP would pay off the $30 debt Democrats accrued during a 1930 U.S. Senate race. Insiders say the offer also includes future vacation trips to a “free-Saddamless” Iraq for top Democratic officials. These officials would also get to attend an autograph session with former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld.
“For more than fifty years, the state Democrats have been associated with the blame-America-first Howard Dean scream during his presidential race in 1950,” Jones said. “This scream is out of touch with mainstream Oklahomans. In fact, this scream has rendered Democrats obsolete as a political party here in the great state of Oklahoma.”
Dean, now 137, is currently national chairperson of the Democratic Party. In 1950, he raised his voice to urge his supporters to keep fighting to get him elected president. This act created shock waves that have reverberated across Oklahoma for the past six decades.
As part of the deal, the Oklahoma Democratic Party would serve as what Jones termed “the mole-division” of the state GOP.
“The Oklahoma Democrat Party would exist in name only,” Jones said. “Progressives and liberals would be shunned from this sham party and ordered to leave the state within thirty days.”
Jones said he realizes most people think the state Democratic party is already the mole-division of the state GOP and, in general, no longer relevant, but the “initial investment to buy the party is so miniscule it’s a joke. Let me put it this way: We think we can pick up the Democrats with only half of the petty cash in the metal box in our receptionist’s desk drawer. We can buy them and still have enough for soft drinks and pizza.”
State Democratic leaders were unavailable for comment, but insiders said they were seriously considering the offer. The $30 debt has plagued Democrats ever since their candidate Carl Snodgrass lost his bid to become senator in the infamous 1930 election. The party has been begging people to pay off this debt each election cycle since.