Arrr! It’s yer bird with the gobbler, the pirate turkey named Plansky coming to Oklahoma to deliver the goods this holiday season. Sailin’ strong, aye, with a crew of tail feathery sailors, aboard a beauty of a vessel, laden with sparkly treasure, coming down I-35 towards Oklahoma City with a birditude. If yer done well, then yer get me dranks, some strong cups of rum aboard me vessel from Planksy’s private barrel, limited edition. It’s a strong brew fer sure, mateys. If yer done bad, well, aye, yer get me dastardly planks, a short dance or two to the hornpipes before a lil’ dip with the toothy, hungry fishes. Arrr!
Dranks: Ahoy, me lasses and lads, the first dranks go to state employees, a sturdy crew of gobbler goodness, many gone without a raise for seven long bilge ratty years. The landlocked lubbers they call leaders in this place gave raises to the bigwigs, but not to the fearless crew. On Planksy’s ship, we’re all in it together, and share our bounty alike. It’s the pirate’s creed. So here’s to yer, and get on board quick for some of me special rum, mateys, aged to perfection for its birdly excellence.
Planks: Arr! What’s a bird to do when all yer tail feathers freeze? Me first planks go to ice storms. How’s a vessel supposed to navigate with this thick ice all about? Avast, it’s the planks for yer! The planks! Don’t come back until you’ve melted.
Dranks: Lads, lasses, me next dranks go to all yer people who want some decent fracking regulations. Arrr! The earth around these parts shakes too much for a bird’s likin’, and it might be because of all this fracking, or, specifically, these blarmy, lubbery wastewater injection wells. Ahoy, when yer mess with the rock layer, it gets, well, rockin’. So come on board, lasses and lads, yer doing good, and let’s drink away for a night and then keep pushin’ for what’s right. Arr!
Planks: Are yer ready to take the plunge, all ye Obamacare haters? It might take a month or two, there’s so many of yer, but yer get me planks, anyways. Ahoy, I think I see me one thar and thar and thar. But what yer goin’ to squeal when everyone gets signed up? What kind of bird hates something it doesn’t even know about? Not the most intelligent gobbler, that’s fer sure. The planks and the toothy fishes await yer tired chirps.
Dranks: He’s the bird with the word, a swaying gobbler in the breeze, bold yet unpretentious, a rascally soul with gifts to give, none other than, hornpipes please, Planksy, the pirate turkey! I give meself me strong dranks of rum as I dance away the holidays on me ship. Bird lovers galore, have yerself a time or two this holiday season, and enjoy that tofurkey! Arr!